Mamihlapinatapai.

Personal post.

I just got off of the phone with my brother Chris after an hour, and it really made me miss him.

He is the only one I can connect to in my family. We are alike in a lot of ways. We always make jokes and can relate to another, we can read each others faces. I can talk to him about family and life and it’s not weird. He talks me to talk. He asked me how dad was and I couldn’t really answer that question besides how I knew he was a month or so ago. Same with our mother. We expressed how lonely we feel sometimes and how much we wish we had a  real family to go to. We hear other people talk about their parents and extended family, how great they are. While we can’t say that, we have no emotional attachment. There isn’t a feeling to describe. He lives in Columbia, and has no one there. He said he wish he did. He has a wife and family. All the other parents they meet are older and they can’t relate well. I told him that I actually like holidays so I can see everyone, though they are complaining the whole time I take in everything because I value the time. He felt the same way. He is the only one I can talk to about these things and it’s normal, and it is normal. We are the ones who get looked down on or made fun of because we look on bright sides and know how to make things better. Our family doesn’t care about you unless you are in a struggle or addicted to something. Only then because they can share that in common with you. I feel like I strive for this feeling where everyone is together and thankful. I really miss him, and it sucks because I wish I could miss the rest too.

I’m passing through his town soon possibly. I hope so.
He makes me almost want to move to Columbia.
almost.

:)